Over time, a family with four sons develops a unique tone, a guy-culture with a certain decibel level and a distinct way of doing life. As a mother of some now-married sons, it has been a joy to welcome other women into this circle, women who love my sons well and have also opened their hearts to me.
Of course, the messy flip side of this blessing is the requirement that I acknowledge and appreciate another woman’s way of doing things—important things like parenting my grandchildren, feeding a family, and managing a home. Just as I have prayed for twenty-five years for grace to be a good mother, I am now trusting for grace to be a good mother-in-law. Wisdom for this challenge flows in abundance from one of Paul’s lists in the book of Romans. Some translators have labeled Romans 12:9-21 “Marks of the True Christian.” I can’t think of any better advice for women striving to be good Christian mothers-in-law.
“Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good.” (Romans 12:9)
In the same spirit as Paul’s command to “let love be genuine,” Amy Carmichael prayed:
“Love through me, Love of God.
Make me like Thy clear air
Through which, unhindered, colors pass
As though it were not there.”
I’m teaming up with Desiring God today to share more of Paul’s admonitions from Romans 12 and how they have applied to my life as a mother-in-law-in-training. I hope you’ll join me there to continue reading!
Rejoicing in hope,
Photo by Khongor Ganbold on Unsplash
If you enjoy reading Living Our Days, subscribe to get regular content delivered to your inbox. Just enter your e-mail address in the field at the top of this page.
I link-up with a number of blogging communities on a regular basis. They are listed in the left sidebar by day of the week. I hope that you will take a moment to enjoy reading the work of some of these fine writers and thinkers.
I think you are probably the BEST MIL ever Michele. I’m a thankful MIL to one wonderful son-in-law, which I think might be easier than a DIL. Just a guess. Blessings friend. Patti
LikeLiked by 1 person
I do wonder that as well, but will never be able to do hands-on research! Even so, very thankful for two fine d-i-l’s and anticipating 2 more some day, Lord willing!
LikeLike
Hey, Michele! I’ll bet adding girls to the mix has shaken up your world! But, I am sure you are an amazing mother in law!
Found your post today on Moments of Hope.
I’m linking for my friend Pam Blosser at journeytohim.com.
Hope you have a wonderful day~
Melanie
LikeLike
Yes, in a good way!
Thanks for reading, and all the best to you as you support your friend.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Very true and good words for every MIL. Thanks!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Vickie!
LikeLike
I knew I needed to read this post as soon as I saw the title. Like you, I have only sons. All of them are now married, so I have 3 very dear daughters-in-law, each with her own style of housekeeping, parenting, relaxing, and cooking. I pray that I can be there to support them in everything they do, and not be the stereotypical overbearing MIL. I do have to say, I think I have many more conversations with my DILs than I do my own sons! 🙂
LikeLike
We don’t even begin to realize what “queen bees” we have become until there is another worker in the hive. 🙂 Interesting about the conversation ratio. I’ll have to pay attention and see if that’s true here.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m pretty green in my mother-in-law role, so I will take all the advice I can get! laurensparks.net
LikeLiked by 1 person
I still think of myself as a “mother-in-law in training,” because I also have so much to learn!
LikeLike
Love this post. Although I am the mother of only girls; I do believe it will take the grace of God to help me stay in my lane 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha! “Staying in your lane” is such a great way of expressing it! Thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
We have three sons, and just one daughter-in-law so far. Much of what you said resonated with me, especially one of the last things. One thing I wrestle with in dealing with adult children (or children at any age, really) is knowing when to “rescue” and when to wait and let them figure things out on their own. What you said about freeing our kids to “to establish the habit of looking first to God, and then to each other, for all that they need” reminds me of that guiding principle. I think I knew and desired it on some level, but I never heard it put quite like that. Thank you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
That has been one of my biggest challenges as well, Barbara. We so want life to “go well” for them, and it’s tempting to become what Oswald Chambers calls an “Amateur Providence” for them, rushing in to rescue them at every turn!
LikeLike
I like to think that I am a good mother in law, but as my daughter in law lives so far away we don’t see much of one another #thatfridaylinky@_karendennis
LikeLike
Distance can be a challenge. We see our further away son and his wife less frequently, but when they do visit, we try to make the most of the time we have, and that helps.
LikeLike
Wonderful article, Michele! I am MIL to both a DIL & a SIL and they are distinctly different in my opinion. I am ever so grateful the Lord is constantly helping me with both relationships as I love them both dearly!
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s such a wonderful thing to rejoice with a child who has made an excellent choice of a spouse and is working on a great relationship! I’m so thankful that’s your story as well!
LikeLike
Michele, I am not a mother-in-law, nor do I expect to be any time soon. But this piece is SO good! The part about coveting God’s sovereignty and entrusting our family to His plans is applicable to any season of parenting, I think … and also applies to our relationships with parents and siblings. I hope and pray that if/when my girls marry, I’m able to follow your gracious and loving example as I interact with their husbands.
LikeLike
I hadn’t thought of the point applying to sibling relationships, but it’s definitely true. When we act as if your opinions of their decisions should carry significant weight, we risk driving a wedge and losing the relationship all together.
LikeLike
I enjoyed this post. Such wise counsel. I love your tips for not taking things to personally when your advice is not sought or utilized. I know my husband and I made a conscious decision when our daughter married to realize that she and her husband were now there own unit. Sometimes my tongue gets bit so I don’t say things when not asked. But so many times they have given us wise counsel when we asked their opinion. It is so fun to see it going both ways. We help them, and they help us with advice. The other thing that helped me was I looked at all the things I didn’t like in my relationship with my mother-in-law and mother, and tried to learn from them about what not to do.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Excellent advice to prevent history from repeating itself! Sometimes unpleasant experiences make for the best learning.
LikeLike
Ah, #2 can be a true challenge … even 15 – 20 years after I’ve welcomed my sons into our family. This piece is spot on and packed with truth. I’m sharing it with my gang over at LinkedIn, Michele.
LikeLike
Thanks for that, Linda!
I’ve got to get up to speed on LinkedIn.
And it’s always good to get your input here.
LikeLike
This was wise and lovely. It gives me something to consider and learn from as my children grow toward the point of creating families of their own. Thanks.
LikeLiked by 1 person
And you are wise to be taking this eventuality into consideration ahead of time.
Blessings to you!
LikeLike
Wise words, Michele! I am a MIL to a SIL so I do think my job is easier, but I still have to remember that I am not God’s Official Midwest Representative, either! (You cracked me up with that one!)
LikeLike
Well, I guess we can hold one another accountable that our job descriptions (and titles) may not be exactly what we sometimes imagine. 🙂
LikeLike
I have daughters, so I have son in laws…& I have been a mum in law for nearing 20 years now! Goodness I didn’t realise it was that long!
It can be challenging when there are different parenting styles compared to how we parented our children (even our own adult children may differ in their parenting from us & their siblings)!
The greatest advice I was given is that;
Our grandchildren are NOT our children but our GRANDchildren with their own parents with their own parenting styles. We need to constantly respect this & bite our tongues at times! They are trying to do their best for their children, just as we did!
If something concerns us then take it to the Lord in prayer & get His wisdom first & foremost! And yes, it can break a Granny’s heart when your grandie is disciplined in front of you! Even though you know it was warranted for disobedience
Blessings,
Jennifer
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow, TWENTY years!
You are experienced!
And all those differences are one reason I really try not to give advice unless someone comes asking.
Thanks, Jennifer, for your seasoned insights!
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re very welcome Michele 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I pray that I am a good mother-in-law to my my daughter’s husband. I think we think about what we could give to our adult children, a peaceful and harmonious home life would be at the top of the list. We have the ability to give that to them by being gracious and good mother-in-laws. I think you must be a very nice mother-in-law.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Like you, I want to contribute to the peace and harmony instead of stealing it with my selfishness, so I guess we must pray for some of the same things for our kids! 🙂
LikeLike
This is so good, Michele!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Oh, thanks so much, Elizabeth!
LikeLike
A good reminder post to read today. Love that you and your husband read verses together. What a blessing that would be.
LikeLike
Thank for reading, Peabea. You’re a consistent encouragement!
LikeLike
Michele, this is such good advice. Many of those I’ve tried to put into practice myself. And when I fail, God always forgives. My sons-in-law are like my own sons and we usually get along quite well. Blessings to you! xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are ahead of me on this road, Gayl, so your input is valuable. And I’m thankful that you have such good rapport with your SILs!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for sharing, Michele. I think these lessons apply to all relationships! Blessings to you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I absolutely agree, Boma!
LikeLike
Heading over, Michele! Can’t wait to read this! It’s very relevant to my life right now! 😉
LikeLiked by 2 people
Yes, we are both mothers-in-law-in-training!
LikeLike
Wise advice! It’s important to acknowledge that our children are adults and let them ‘adult’–not easy, but important!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, especially when we see them sliding into difficulty. We need a lot of discernment to do this well.
LikeLike
Oh how I love everything about this post. I love that verse and I love how you put a spotlight on it for your prayers. What a wonderful sentiment.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Isn’t it funny how when we find practical words for living our every day life in the Bible, we are actually surprised?
LikeLike
This is all so good Michele! When I first became a MIL, my own Mom died suddenly a week later, and one of the things that I missed was getting advice from her on being a MIL! But God’s Word really is the best advice, as I’ve found out through the years also. And of course, when you add Amy Carmichael’s words, then I know the tears will flow too. Thank you so much for sharing your precious words here, and over at the Desiring God site too.
LikeLike
Isn’t that Amy poem just amazing? I remember praying it on my walk when all my kids were tiny, and I just knew I didn’t have enough of my own love to go around that day.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I see so many MIL and wife clashes it’s crazy. Although I’m not a practicing Christian anything that allows the ladies in our lives to live harmoniously is good by me. It must be difficult to ‘pass the baton’ so to speak.
LikeLike
“As much as it lies with you, live peaceably with everyone . . .”
Those words should be stuck to my fridge, because, really, so often I do have a choice.
Thanks for reading!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think you would be an amazing mother-in-law! Thanks for sharing this at Booknificent Thursday on Mommynificent.com!
Tina
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Tina! I do hope so!
LikeLike
🦋I found this very helpful. Thanks for sharing.
LikeLike
Thank YOU for reading!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I only have one daughter in love but I have 3 sons in love. I love your advice. Bless you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think the principles Paul gave us apply across the board, and the real challenge comes to us in trying to be consistent in our following.
Thanks, Amy, for reading!
LikeLike
This is a very inspiring post, Michele and you’re a loving MIL. I’m grateful to have a considerate son-in-law, a wonderful husband to my daughter, and a loving father to my granddaughter. He is a devoted Christian and great helper in the community. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I want to be all of that, Miriam.
And I’m also blessed by d-i-l’s who are easy to love and respect. We are BLESSED!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, it’s a true blessing to have all the children and children-in-laws are easy to love and be a loving family. I have so many dedicated Christian friends who have so much heartache!
LikeLike
We have had that conversation with our kids. They can’t control all the variables of course, but if you marry unwisely, you bring heartache not just to yourself, but to the entire family.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, Michele, I can witness that and it hurts my heart to see godly Christians to have troubled families.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have 3 children so am not looking forward to being a mother in law as no one will ever be good enough! I am lucky that my own mother in law is wonderful and I hope I can be as kind and generous as she is. Thanks for linking up with #globalblogging
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think God has given adolescence as a gift to mothers. If our kids left home as sweet and pliable and enjoyable as they are when they are eight or ten, we’d be destroyed. By the time they reach 18, they are still delightful, but they are also infuriating with their need for independence and inability still to find their own socks. Once they marry and move into a happy relationship under another roof, you don’t know whether they can find their socks or not, and that is a very good thing.
LikeLike
Thanks for sharing your inspiring post on the #LMMLInkup this past week. Being a mother-in-law is an opportunity to show the love of God in an authentic way.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Love this post! I also think it’s great for someone like myself to incorporate these things with my Mother-in-law! Thanks for sharing!
LikeLiked by 1 person
So glad you found it! Thanks for letting me know you were here!
LikeLiked by 1 person
[…] […]
LikeLike
[…] https://michelemorin.wordpress.com/2018/11/01/how-be-christian-mother-in-law/ — Read on michelemorin.wordpress.com/2018/11/01/how-be-christian-mother-in-law/ […]
LikeLike
An amazing post with great tips as always. Anyone will find your post useful. Keep up the good work.
Jesus Christ is the leader of all true Christians. Through Him, people can see the perfect model of obedience. Check this out Important Qualities of a True Christian Hope this will help. Thanks.
Cheers
Marilyn
LikeLike
Thanks so much! It’s great to hear from you!
LikeLike