I landed in my seat at Bible study feeling like a refugee. Two tiny sons were happily entertained in the nursery, my study questions were only half answered, and I could just barely recall the point of the lesson, but community drew me to that space like a magnet. In that season, I craved the interaction–and I knew I needed prayer and support for my mothering journey and the state of my heart.
Prayer time began with a flood of need: a wife whose marriage was flailing and failing; a tearful mother with a very sick child; our facilitator’s husband was dying of cancer. What was I thinking? By comparison, my own prayer needs were barely worth mentioning, my suffering minor and my losses miniscule when stacked against the challenges others were facing.
Loss is like that. We rate ours on a bandwidth, pitting it against the stories of others, and it’s a no-win game. If our suffering has been severe, we are reluctant to draw attention to it. If, like mine that day so long ago, it feels minor, we’re embarrassed to complain about it. The characters in Remember Me: A Novella about Finding Our Way to the Cross
1. Loss stretches in both directions
Like falling dominos, one loss awakens the memory of former suffering and sets the table for future sadness as we grieve empty chairs and events uncelebrated. We affirm the losses of others when we give them the gift of time and resist the urge to apply a deadline to sorrow.
I don’t think we ever stop grieving what we lost. I don’t say this to discourage you but to affirm your sorrow. The grieving changes. The manifestation of grieving evolves. Some losses are soothed and healed by the passage of time. Others leave gaps that are never filled.” (15)
2. Loss is complicated by mystery.
When we lose a loved one, we lose their memories, their stories, and their future. The “what-if” that hangs in the air evades closure and serves as a gritty reminder, like a pebble in the shoe, of our inability to control so much of our own life script. Garlough’s beloved fictional spiritual director, Katherine Rhodes takes on the momentous task of writing obituaries to all her past losses: the relationships, roles, and identities that were ripped from her long before she was ready to relinquish them.
Can you picture writing an obituary for the death of some dream or to commemorate some loss you are working your way through right now?
3. In seasons of loss, do not join the accuser in his work.
The truth is that sometimes our losses come in connection with our own sinful choices and poor decisions. God is sovereign even in this, and we cannot sin our way outside his grace.
Sometimes what the accuser speaks is true, especially regarding our sin. But the accusation is meant to destroy us with shame and guilt. In those moments I use the accuser’s voice as a prompt to remind me I have a Savior who has paid the price for all my sin.” (45)
4. Loss is also a testimony that can bring glory to God.
With prosperity-gospel heresy deep in our bones, we forget that our suffering reveals the power of Christ in important ways that are not present in a story of quick deliverance. Where would any of us be if Jesus had been delivered from the cross?
Even if [loss] is not the testimony you would choose, it is beautiful. And it is yours to share.” (76)
In this season of Lent, Remember Me brings to mind the darkness and the light around those very words, spoken first by Jesus with hope because he knew it was his to give, and then spoken to Jesus by the thief from a place of guilt–where hope grew, regardless. Whatever your loss, whatever suffering has brought you to the end of yourself, you can say those words to Jesus anytime. Let them lead you into a place of hope that no sorrow can diminish.
Many thanks to InterVarsity Press for providing a copy of this book to facilitate my review, which, of course, is offered freely and with honesty.
Grace and peace to you,
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Photo by Mitchell Maglio on Unsplash
Living Our Days 
I liked the idea of writing an obituary for past losses. Thanks, Michele, for reviewing and recommending this book.
Blessings!
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I haven’t tackled that assignment, yet but I may!
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Your thoughts on loss made me think of this quote from Mari Andrews that I have been saving to write about at some point:
“Seasons of loss, like the colder seasons, are the hardest ones to endure, even if you logically understand they won’t last forever.”
Beautifully written, Michele. And I can remember those long-ago morning Bible study sessions I attended for a sense of community with other Christian women too! 🙂
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Wow, that’s a great quote. And we do need to be reminded that they pass.
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Beautifully written and It is important to not measure our loss against someone else’s loss.
Each is important and felt deeply in its own way.
thanks for sharing.
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Isn’t that just so comforting? Loss is loss and we get to grieve, knowing that God holds us as we do.
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Wow, so many good nuggets here. I like the idea of an obituary to losses. It was a comfort to memorialize my m-i-l last year, and I can see how doing that for other losses would bring closure, help us process them, and act as an “Ebenezer” marker of God’s grace.
I also love the thought of “not joining the accuser in his work.” When we suffer as a result of our own wrongdoing, sometimes we feel like we’re only supposed to feel pain and not take comfort. But . . . grace. Love this: ” I use the accuser’s voice as a prompt to remind me I have a Savior who has paid the price for all my sin.”
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Those are 2 powerful words, Barbara: “But… grace.”
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“Trust in the good ending for the whole story.” What a phrase!! I love it and will be sharing forth! Thank you for linking up and stay well….you, and yours.
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Thank you, and trusting that you are also staying well.
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Michele,
This jumped out at me: I use the accuser’s voice as a prompt to remind me I have a Savior who has paid the price for all my sin.” I don’t want to listen to the accuser’s lies, but I can let them be a prompt to remember Jesus who has paid the price for ALL my sins.
Blessings,
Bev xx
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Yes, if we are under attack, we have to assume that we’re doing something right!
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A loud AMEN to: “Suffering reveals the power of Christ in important ways that are not present in a story of quick deliverance.” That statement reminded me of fellow-blogger Bill Sweeney over at Unshakable Hope. He was diagnosed with ALS over twenty-five years ago, I believe, and spends his days on a computer that tracks eye movement, enabling him to communicate–and blog. He and his wife Mary epitomize what it is to reveal the power of Christ through ongoing suffering. They are proof that God DOES bring good out of terrible loss! Hallelujah!
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What a beautiful story, and it’s exactly what I meant with that point–even thought, sadly, I’m afraid I would choose the quick deliverance every single time. I have so much to learn.
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I too, Michele. I too.
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These thoughts about loss describe what it feels like for me. We should never presume that we know how long we need to grieve or put the same restrictions on someone else. Thank you for sharing this book.
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Oh, so glad to be able to meet you in this place, Mary. We so need to be patient wit one another and to honor one another’s losses instead of comparing and demeaning.
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That quote in your photo is powerful, Michele. I found myself nodding along to all these points …
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It was definitely a nod-right-along kind of book, Lois. I love fiction that teaches as it inspires.
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I love that quote and definitely sums up a lot of how I feel about my spiritual journey. What a task to write obituaries for all past losses! #ThatFridayLinky
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Glad this post resonated!
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Never thought of writing a loss obituary! I like it! Sounds like another incredible resource, Michele … and on one of my favorite subjects (believe it or not)–grief! I’ll be pinning and tweeting!
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I have yet to try it, but really want to take this on soon in my journal. It feels like a good exercise for honoring loss.
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[…] The average person has no control over whether or not we go to work, keep doctor’s appointments, drive our kids to activities. […]
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Amen! Yes, loss is very real. Loss is mysterious and confusing and grounding at the same time. It can and will give God the glory when we allow Him to be in charge of our losses, our hearts, our lives. As much as I miss Kenneth, my Mama, now ways of living,I am so grateful that God knows my future and I am His. Thanks for such sound words here. loving you, ~ linda
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Linda, I honor your commitment to this new way of living, looking squarely at all the differences that have come with loss, but moving forward, holding firmly to the hand of God.
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Hi Michele! This a great post and very needed at this time. The top quote (in the header) was particularly meaningful. Thank you for linking on Amanda’s Books and More! Keep safe and be blessed.
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I loved that quote because it reminds me to be patient in the middle.
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Wow, Michele! This book sounds incredible. I cannot wait to read it! Thanks for the great book review. This one just jumped to the top of my list—Ordering today. 🙂
Pinned to a couple of boards including our Books You Will Love group board.
Thank you so much for linking up at InstaEncouragements!
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This whole series has been captivating. I am sure you will enjoy it.
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Everybody’s loss is different and affects in so many different ways, it takes time to heal, I often reflect on the losses in my life. Thank you for linking up with #pocolo hope you and the family are well and hope to see you back next week
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We’re impatient with the mourning process, so it’s helpful to be reminded that we are “allowed” to take our time and to honor our losses.
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Thank you for sharing at #OverTheMoon. Pinned and shared. Have a lovely week. I hope to see you at next week’s party too! Pleas stay safe and healthy. Come party with us at Over The Moon! Catapult your content Over The Moon! @marilyn_lesniak @EclecticRedBarn
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