Mother-Son Relationships

Mother-Son Relationships | How to Build a Love that Lasts

Posted on by Michele Morin

The email landed in my inbox from a total stranger, and it arrived with an almost audible thud so heavy were the emotions it carried. It came from the heart of an expectant mother who had just received the news that the baby she was carrying was a boy. She had been hoping for a girl, because she had read discouraging accounts of mother-son relationships and was spiraling into disappointment.

Her feelings of dread were rooted in her family of origin. Her two brothers, now adults, were not at all close to their mum, and looking around, she believed her bias was confirmed with evidence from other families in which the daughters were close to their mums—while the sons were not.

She presented her fear in this way:
Will my son still want to have a relationship with me when he is a man? Will I be replaced by a wife and her family? Is it true that “a son is a son till he takes a wife, but a daughter’s a daughter for the rest of her life”?

She had stumbled across some of my work online, had read about my life with four growing-up sons, and she wrote looking for reassurance. Was I close to my teen and adult sons? Would I share a little about my experience of building a relationship with them? Did I have thoughts on how much of the relationship I have with them is due to their personality and how much is our home environment?

Her questions and concerns led to an email correspondence that uncovered the depth of her fears and pushed me to put into words some of the foundations and principles that had been guiding my parenting life with much-loved sons. Since the correspondence happened as a Q&A, I’ll open my email inbox and invite you to sit right here around the glowing screen with whatever fears you bring to the table about “losing” your son one day when he grows up.

Mother's Day, Mothering Memories, Outward Focus

I’m sharing tips on building a bond that lasts over at The Joyful Life Magazine. It’s my goal to encourage you in your mothering life, so together, let’s examine the finer points of putting your worries to rest and maintaining a warm closeness in that sweet mother-son relationship.

Holding you in the Light,

Michele Morin

Will my son still be close to me when he’s a man? Will I “lose him” when he grows up and gets married? Today, I’m writing about one big fear boy mums share. @joyfullifemag

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Published by Michele Morin

Michele Morin is a Bible teacher, writer, reader, and gardener committed to the truth that women can become confident Christ-followers and students of God's Word. She has been married to an unreasonably patient husband for thirty-plus years, and together they have four sons, three daughters-in-love, four grandchildren, and one lazy St. Bernard. Michele loves hot tea and well-crafted sentences, poems that stop her in her tracks, and days at the ocean with the whole family. She laments biblical illiteracy and advocates for the prudent use of “little minutes.” She blogs at Living Our Days, and you can connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter.

32 thoughts on “Mother-Son Relationships | How to Build a Love that Lasts”

  1. Michele, I just finished reading your wonderful article in its entirety. Although geared towards sons, I would dare say, there is much wisdom in there for relationships with daughters as well. There is no magic formula in raising our families. Our relationships with our children, and their spouses, is all grace. And I am so grateful for God’s grace which has covered the mistakes, the challenges, and the ups and downs all along the way. Thank you for opening your mailbox to us all!

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  2. Thank you for this, Michele. I must admit, I would love to sit with you for an hour and talk about insights for mothering little boys that can build a firm foundation. I grew up with a sister and didn’t see what it might look like to raise sons who stay close to their parents. If you could offer one or two insights to a mom of little boys, what would you say? I’m all ears…

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  4. I can remember worrying about that when I was pregnant with the boys as well. I know we still have a great relationship now that they’re teens and I hope it will be enough to carry us into adulthood. I expect our relationship will change when they move out of the house but I do feel fairly confident that I’ll hear from them fairly often. I hope!

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  5. What an interesting post. As a mum of two sons, I think I have a good relationship with them and hope that it stays that way! Yes, they bond with their dad over sports and politics and sometimes I just don’t bother to join in, but then we connect over other things.

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  7. I have a son and my relationship with him is special and very different from the one with my daughter. It takes work! Thanks for linking up.

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  10. Lovely post and this is something I worry about. My son is only ten and we are very close, He is frequent with his cuddles, kisses and loves you. I’m going to be a terrible mother in law as I don’t want to lose my boy!

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    1. I am going to speak a positive message over your future!
      You will spread your abundant love for your son over the life of your daughter in law, welcoming her into your family because she is one more source of love and joy for your sweet son.

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  11. I have one son and one daughter and am close to both of them, I must admit nothing changed since they left home and married.
    Thank you so much for sharing your post at our Senior Salon Pit Stop.
    Pinned to Senior Salon Pit Stop InLinkz Linkup Shares board and tweeted @EsmeSalon with #SeniorSalonPitStop

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  13. Michele, I just finished reading the full post over at The Joyful Life. So practical and hope-filled. My walking partner and I talk often about our prayers for and relating well with our grown and growing-up kids. Your words lead me to believe we’re on the right track. Thanks. (Also, I LOVE that photo of you and your family in Yellowstone. I worked at the Old Faithful Inn Gift Shop in 1987. Yellowstone is my happy place, especially the Old Faithful area.)

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    1. It’s so important to have a sounding board and fellow mum in these days of letting go.
      We want to go back to Yellowstone some day—it was truly a trip highlight, and one we still talk about.

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  14. Michelle,
    I so appreciated your word of caution and encouragement. I can very much relate to some of the aspects, like learning to let go while trying to figure out how to still help. It’s a challenge.
    Many of the points are for later. My boys are all still teens, but the day will come when they marry, if time lasts. I do have a hard time stepping back and not trying to guide them, even as they are older now.

    Your words have weight because they are from your experience. Thank you.

    Please continue sharing your thoughts at the Homestead Blog Hop! We need counsel and guidance from those with more wisdom and experiences!

    God bless!
    Laurie
    Ridge Haven Homestead
    Homestead Blog Hop

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  15. Congratulations, you will be featured on the upcoming Senior Salon Pit Stop post, Monday Nov 8th as one of the top three bloggers.
    Thank you for your support and participation. Please invite your fellow bloggers to also come and participate, thanks in advance.

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