By the time I was 21, I had been thoroughly inoculated against any threat of marriage by the wistful comments of my married friends: “Oh, you can do that now, but just wait till you get married and have kids…” They painted an image of a small, constricted world with no scented candles (dangerous open flame!), no possibility of travel (too complicated!), and no orderly book cases (kids destroy everything!).
When I eventually did get married and start a family, I was determined to prove them all wrong. I bent over backward to prove that nothing in my life had changed. Sure, we had a new baby, but we strapped our first-born into his fifty-pound car seat for long road trips. We dragged ourselves through antique stores and spent Saturdays doing yard work together. We welcomed houseguests into our fixer-upper and fed them from the produce grown in our huge garden. We did it! Life went forward unchanged–except that I was exhausted all the time.
Today, nearly thirty years later, I want to pour that tired woman a steaming mug of tea, sit across the table from her, and whisper to her that no is not forever, but it can be a freeing word when we say it at the right time. I would tell her to get comfortable with uncertainty in the small details and to sharpen her understanding of God’s sovereignty over every season of life. Then I would offer three insights that I discovered on the job, but wish I had known from the start.
I wrote about them for Desiring God, so warm up your mug of tea or coffee, pull up a chair, and CLICK HERE to join me for this very personal conversation.
Holding You in the Light,
3 Lessons for Young Moms: Motherhood is certainly not the only path to sanctification, but its challenges pushed me toward deeper dependence upon God and the miracle of actual righteousness that the Holy Spirit alone can produce in me.
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Living Our Days 
I too have things that I wish I had known earlier in my life, Michele, the main one being behaviour management in children when my own children were young, I learned from my child minding training #dreamteam
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I’ve learned a few things as a substitute teacher that I wish I had learned and applied to my early mothering and homeschooling days!
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Sometimes the advice that is given to newlyweds & new parents hurts more than it helps.
Why do we do that?
Most often my advice is, ignore the unsolicited advice of well-meaning people. Instead trust God & your spouse.
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There you go ! Trusting is the best strategy!
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There are so many things I wish I had known then that I know now… it’s hard not to heap all sorts of advice and warnings on new parents but really each family and each child is so different that I know they just need love and support and words of encouragement (and the occasional babysitting break or homecooked meal delivery!).
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Yes, hands on love!
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Very good advice. I had to learn many of the same things “on the job.”
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It seems to be the case for many of us, so now we share our experiences and trust for opportunities to encourage.
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I remember, as a full-time Mom of three, that “stay-at-home-Mom” status felt akin to second-class citizen. NOTHING could be further from the truth. Raising children well–with strong faith in Christ–is a high calling and not easy. We need to support full-time moms with encouragement and support, praise and appreciation. They are sacrificing much to give their sons and daughters the best possible foundation for godly, purposeful lives.
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I remembered feeling the same. So now, any time I have the opportunity to encourage and reinforce the value of a young mother’s work, I want to step into it.
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I popped over and finished your post – such wise insight. I remember exhausting myself needlessly – when I just needed to let us be where we were in that season! I have a whole list of things I would do differently!
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Thanks for popping! And I did the same thing–apparently marching to some silent music, audible only to my tired ears. We can’t go back and fix, but we can learn and go forward in wisdom!
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The wisdom of those who have BTDT is very valuable, but we do need to be careful where we’re getting advice and which advice we take to heart. Listen politely, use what you can, and don’t worry about the rest!
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That’s actually a great point. And as one of those who is in the BTDT seat, I am very careful about giving unsolicited advice. I try to keep my mouth shut unless I’m asked.
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Michele, this was such a treasure to read today. This touched my soul. I’ve found myself saying if I knew then what I know now…. many times over the years. I’m so happy you you’ve put this out there for young moms to read.
Visiting today from IMM #28&132
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“If I knew then what I know now” can actually be a helpful introduction to productive change!
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It sure can.
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I think every mum thinks they will be a certain type of parent but nothing prepares you for the reality of having a baby who is totally reliant on you for everything and has their own mindset! Thanks for linking up with #DreamTeam
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Absolutely overwhelming! Yes!
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What a blessing!
Looking back I see how the time has flown and how things aren’t as permanent as they seem while going through them. I do miss those early family days!
I appreciate all of your words for new mothers. Oh, that we could learn without having to experience the trials, and hopefully some will take your words to heart.
I’m featuring your post at tomorrow’s Sunday Sunshine Blog Hop.
Thank you!!
Laurie
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I do appreciate your encouragement! Thanks so much!
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The whole post is wonderful, but that last paragraph especially is hitting home with me, Michele. Maybe the most physically exhausting parenting seasons are past, but as you say, the journey of faith goes on and we are all works in progress until God sees fit to call us home.
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Some tech savvy mum should make a chart or a table that demonstrates the energy levels expended at various stages of mothering. Right now, I’m getting a work out in strengthening my prayer life as sons move into new adventures, and that’s exactly as it should be.
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