Written by real people with genuine feelings–often worn closer to the surface than this stoic New Englander might like–the Bible gives voice to a full range of emotions. There is plenty of joy and lots of celebration, and this has found its way into our worship.
However, we are less comfortable with the shadow side of emotion and less familiar with the practice of biblical lament:
- David wails his abandonment and anguish of soul.
- Jeremiah mourns the demise of true righteousness and the fall of his nation.
- Hannah’s weeping is so out of control that she attracts the attention of the priest who assumes she is intoxicated.
When believers hurl their complaints Godward, he responds with compassion.
Go Ahead. Lament.
Romans 5 beats a direct path from suffering to hope, and it travels the route of the testing of our faith.
…we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”
Romans 5:3-5
James shares the same map, promising maturity at the end of the road:
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
James 1:2-4
This acceptance of God’s invitation to lament is an acknowledgment that God may take us through suffering rather than delivering us from it.
Having been tutored by loss into taking a long view of biblical promises of deliverance, Aubrey Sampson writes in The Louder Song:
Lament your social-media obsessions. Lament your days on the couch. Lament your former glories and all of those what-ifs. God wants them all. He wants every burden, every broken path, every looking back. But then, return your gaze to Jesus.” (103)
This fixed and unflinching gaze on the Savior defines the difference between lament and despair. With nowhere to look, despair comes (literally) “down from hope” (154), sits down, closes its eyes, and gives up.
Lament looks squarely at the evil in the world, at the unchosen, undeserved, unwanted, and unfair, and then looks for the God who is nearby and listening. A howl from the heart implies the awareness of a Listener, and lament may be your first stop on the pathway back toward hope.
When believers hurl their complaints Godward, he responds with compassion.
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And Now Let’s Talk Books…
One very good reason for believers to prioritize contemplative practices is our need to connect with God, with God’s timeline, and with the reality of our own embodied, temporary status on this earth. Loss is the water we swim in, and whether we like it or not, we’re destined to outlive at least some of the people who are dearest to us. The props we depend on for normalcy, security, or simply for pleasure will, at some point, be knocked out from under us, and we experience grief.
Natasha Smith’s story of multiple, catastrophic losses helped to put me in a posture of careful listening. I turned page after page for the simple reason that I wondered how someone continues to breathe when life has dealt one colossal blow after another. Her heart’s cry became the title of her book: Can You Just Sit With Me?
Understanding her own emotions was step one on her giant learning curve—followed by an acceptance of the fact that grief is normal. Through Smith’s relatable stories, biblical wisdom, and solid research readers are encouraged to embark upon a healing journey. Each chapter ends with a focused grief exercise, scripture meditation, and a prayer prompt.
The sad truth is that in our “hurry up and get over it culture,” we’re all beginners in the grieving process. When the tendency is to numb out or stuff our grief into a “feelings to be dealt with later” file, Natasha Smith’s work points readers to a biblical permission slip for healthy grief over life’s losses.
Holding You in the Light,
In our “hurry up and get over it culture,” we’re all beginners in the grieving process. @imnatashasmith ‘s work points readers to a biblical permission slip for healthy grief over life’s losses. #canyoujustsitwithme @ivpress
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Every month I send a newsletter with biblical encouragement straight to my subscribers’ email inboxes. Frequently, I share free resources, and the newsletter is where everything lands first. I’m committed to the truth that women can become confident followers of God and students of his Word, and it’s my goal to help you along that path.
To add this free resource to your pursuit of biblical literacy, simply CLICK HERE. There, on Substack’s website, you’ll find a prompt that looks just like this image for Living Our Days with Michele Morin. Over on that site, simply enter your email and then click on the purple “SUBSCRIBE” button.
You’ll receive a welcome letter to confirm your subscription and monthly encouragement in your email inbox.
I am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees. If you should decide to purchase any of the books or products I’ve shared, simply click on the image, and you’ll be taken directly to the seller. If you decide to buy, I’ll receive a few pennies at no extra cost to you.
Many thanks to InterVarsity Press for providing a copy of this book to facilitate my review, which is, of course, offered freely and with honesty.
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Living Our Days 
Michele, it’s so helpful to know the difference between lament and despair. I also appreciate the term “howl of the heart.” It helps this mostly non-crier remember that the way God designed each of us leaves room for expressions of emotion that might not look like other people’s but still lead us to hope.
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Hmmm… good term. I like the distinction between criers and noncriers. I’m definitely in the same camp with you and that can be uncomfortable at times, can’t it…?
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Michele: The “hurry up and get over it” way of thinking has been prevalent in our society for a long long time. I remember, as a child, seeing people who had lost someone close to them, go about their routines like nothing had happened. I have since learned that grief can take a lengthy time to get through. And, sometimes., it comes back in waves.
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I agree—and I have seen those who stuffed grief in the moment have to deal with it later when it comes out sideways.
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Well said/written, Michele. Praise God we can count on him to take us from lament to hope as we express our trust in him!
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And he has even provided the script in his Word!
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Indeed!
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“The sad truth is that in our “hurry up and get over it culture,” we’re all beginners in the grieving process. When the tendency is to numb out or stuff our grief into a “feelings to be dealt with later” file, Natasha Smith’s work points readers to a biblical permission slip for healthy grief over life’s losses.”
We need to grieve. I learned this through multiple losses due to my dear man long term health diagnosis, and the end of his career long before retirement age. Grief will have its say one way or the other. We might as well give ourselves permission to participate. Thank you !
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So true and wise! We are created with feelings and we are vulnerable. To pretend otherwise is to set ourselves up for trauma later.
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I am so very grateful our God welcomes our lamenting, that He understands us, and moves toward us with compassion, filling us with hope.
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“Moves toward us!”
I love the welcoming image. And so grateful for his initiating a relationship.
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I’m so thankful we have Someone who compassionately hears our heart’s cry.
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Yes, so thankful!
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Michele, I need this reminder that it’s okay to have strong emotions based on things that happen. Years ago, God reminded me He could take my anger, my tears, over our miscarriage. I have remembered that ever since. Your words are a beautiful reminder that God is always near, always loving.
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So glad the words connected with your heart, Jeanne!
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Michele, such great insight here. I love the idea of a “permission slip.” I once heard a friend say, “We need to stop sanitzing grief.” I had to sit with that for a while, but I think that’s what we do as believers. The Bible shows us over and over how God’s people lamented and cried out to Him. When I experienced a tragedy over ten years ago, the Lord showed me this in Lamentations 3. Jeremiah (most believe he was the author) was so distraught, he talks about grinding his teeth on gravel. Then, “But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” (verses 21-23, ESV)
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I love Jeremiah for that very reason. Given an impossible assignment and meeting with nothing but disappointment, he persevered in belief. And I agree that believers have been trained in happy talk that denies our human subjection to the groaning that characterizes this fallen world. We would come through our suffering so much more whole and healthy if we would acknowledge it and cling to God as our refuge through the pain.
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I’ve come to know that Jesus wants us to bring my brokenness to him and lament. I can lament past and present and hold his hand while he soothes, comforts and guides me through “it” whatever “it” may be learning along the way. I’ve been told “just get over it”, “suck it up buttercup” and the like. Hurtful not helpful.
Thank you bunches for sharing this with Sweet Tea & Friends this month sweet friend.
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Ugh…
I’m sorry you’ve been subjected to such heartless responses. Bringing Jesus into our sadness doesn’t take away our need to feel our feelings. The church still has a lot to learn…
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