When God Says No—The Good Gift of Unanswered Prayer

When God Says No—The Good Gift of Unanswered Prayer

Posted on by Michele Morin

I never like disagreeing with Jesus. After all, he is the Son of God, so when he takes a position on something in Scripture, I am committed to agree. I want to see things his way.

But what about his teaching on prayer in Matthew 21? He had just cursed a fig tree, and it had immediately withered. When the disciples expressed amazement, he responded:

Truly, I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what has been done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ it will happen. And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.”

Matthew 21:21-22

Why doesn’t Jesus’s teaching on prayer come with the same level of caution that I use when I teach?
Why does he make prayer sound so much like a blank check?

Does Prayer “Work”?

We read Jesus’s words in front of the fig tree and wonder what we’re missing…
“Am I doubting?”
“Is my faith lacking?”

Prayer is hard.
For many reasons, it’s the most challenging of all the spiritual disciplines.
And sometimes, it seems as if prayer just doesn’t work.

In the end, we conclude that mountain-moving prayers are the jurisdiction of varsity-level Christians. We go back to our safe prayers about things that don’t matter too much.

We stuff down our doubts. We embalm our prayers with qualifiers and built-in escape hatches for a God we want to believe, but can’t quite see our way to a withered fig tree, much less a displaced mountain.

An Inescapable Assertion

If Matthew 21 were the only place Jesus made broad and sweeping promises about prayer, maybe we could overlook the assertion, but it’s all over the New Testament:

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”

Mark 11:24

If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.”

John 15:7

And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.” 

1 John 5:14-15

It’s an inescapable teaching that God hears and answers prayer, and John (who must have been present on the day of the withered fig tree) offers some reassurance that a “no” to my prayer is not necessarily an indictment of my faith. Am I asking “according to his will?” Am I trying to move a mountain that God doesn’t want to move?

God hears and answers prayer. A “no” to my prayer is not necessarily an indictment of my faith. Am I trying to move a mountain that God doesn’t want to move?

Prayer is Relational

Reading with faith and rejecting cynicism, I am enabled to see that this requirement is not an escape hatch for God, but, instead, it’s an invitation to relationship. Do I know God and his ways well enough to ask “according to his will?”

We humans are forever looking for clarity. We want to know where the lines are and what we can expect.

God is forever looking for closeness. He wants us to believe (Mark 11:24), abide (John 15:7), and live in confidence that we have his ear—and his heart (1 John 5:14-15).

With this in mind, could it be that God intends for us to receive his no as a challenge?
A divine course correction?
An arrow pointing toward a deeper understanding of God’s nature and ways?

When what I ask for has not been given, can I take grace instead? That’s what was given to Paul in exchange for one of the most well-known unanswered prayers in the Bible:

…a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’”

2 Corinthians 12:7-9


Paul wanted his “thorn” removed. What he got instead was grace. So he took it.

God extends grace to you and to me, too, but sometimes we don’t see it.
We’re busy looking for something else.

Paul’s “thorn in the flesh” was, apparently, not a mountain that God intended to move, because God would receive greater glory from Paul’s weakness. Paul accepted the weakness because it came from God. He was committed to receiving what God had given—and to relinquishing what God chose to withhold.

Sometimes what seems like a “no” is actually a “wait,” and so we persevere in faith. Perseverance can look like passivity, but, at times, it’s the most powerful thing we can do.

May we find grace to accept no or wait as God’s good answer and to receive, in faith, what God has given instead.

Holding You in the Light,

What are we to think when God says no? Did he really mean it when he said, “Ask whatever you wish”?

See all my Given—One Word 2024 posts here.

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Published by Michele Morin

Michele Morin is a Bible teacher, writer, reader, and gardener committed to the truth that women can become confident Christ-followers and students of God's Word. She has been married to an unreasonably patient husband for thirty-plus years, and together they have four married sons and a growing fleet of adorable grandchildren. Michele loves hot tea and well-crafted sentences, poems that stop her in her tracks, and days at the ocean with the whole family. She laments biblical illiteracy and advocates for the prudent use of “little minutes.” She blogs at Living Our Days, and you can connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter.

37 thoughts on “When God Says No—The Good Gift of Unanswered Prayer”

  1. You are such an inspiration! I was pulling together some thoughts on this very topic of surrendering to His will. It’s not uncomplicated.

    I personally know of cult leaders who have used Matthew 21:21-22 as the rationale for their ‘healings’ not working – they claim the one needing healing did not ‘believe’ strong enough. I point this out to remind that satan is always snatching truth and adulterating it. We always need the whole of Scripture don’t we?

    For example ‘Not my will but thine’ sounds clear and easy. But to fully understand this is like passing a post graduate course in quantum physics. If you get to that level of spiritual knowledge, you finally realize that the ultimate goal is not just to be able to accept His will, but to fully surrender to a state of BEing His will. It’s a process. There is no ‘I’ in surrender.

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  3. “Paul wanted his ‘thorn’ removed. What he got instead was grace.” Oh, Michele … I can relate to this so much. Decades ago, we prayed for a baby, but also for God’s will to be done regarding the expansion of our family. The wait was hard, but I’m so glad He answered the way He did. Later “thorns” remained as well, but God has also used those in so many unexpected ways. He knows what we need, what is good for us, what will bring us the most joy in the long run. Wonderful post, friend.

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  4. “Do I know God and his ways well enough to ask “according to his will?””
    Oh I pray this is true of me. So many unmoved mountains in my life, but it’s these mountains that allow me to see God even if He seems distant. Another question, Do I trust Him with unmoved mountains?
    Thank you Michele.

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      3. My issue is , that these particular verses do NOT say ” If we ask according to His will” . They say ” ALL THINGS, WHATSOVER you ask, BELIEVE and you SHALL recieve”. Now I always say , well He must have something better but in reality for me that kind of puts a Condition on the ALL THINGS WHATSOEVER which is not mentioned in those verses. Hence why so many ATHEISTS accuse the Bible of contradictions or others complain that God didn’t keep His word so He must not care about them.

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      4. This is, indeed, one of the rough spots in scripture. God does reserve the right to say no to some very good things, and I don’t always understand his ways. However, I see elsewhere in scripture that I can trust his love and his sovereignty, so I’m holding on to my questions and pressing in to the Truth so I can know him better.

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  5. I’m quick to blame my own lack of faith or that I’m “not praying right” when the answers don’t look like what I expect, but I think I also don’t ask big enough of my God! Thanks for this post reminding us that God does keep his word and does answer prayer.

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    1. I think we’ve been “trained” to blame ourselves when our prayers are not answered. I appreciate your thinking here. God does not need us to provide him with an escape hatch from his promises.

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  6. Wise words, Michele, to guide our prayers and help us understand “no” IS an answer. The longer we live the more we see in hindsight that God does indeed choose what’s best when he says “no” or “wait.” I also appreciate your insightful question: “Do I know God and his ways well enough to ask ‘according to his will?'” The fact that prayer is relational puts an additional emphasis on its purpose, besides asking God to wield his power on the behalf of others and ourselves. Thank you!

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  8. I am so thankful for God’s “noes,” though they didn’t make sense to me at the time. I have wondered at some of the blank-check sounding prayer promises as well. All I have been able to figure is that sometimes the smaller requests have to be denied so that the overarching ones like praying to grow in grace, be conformed to His image, and have His will done can be best answered.

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  9. ‘God extends grace to you and to me, too, but sometimes we don’t see it. We’re busy looking for something else.’

    Oh, this is so true, Michele. May we cast our agendas aside and look for Him rather than our preferred answer. What have we missed along the way because all we wanted was what we wanted.

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  10. This is a powerful truth, Michele, “Paul accepted the weakness because it came from God. He was committed to receiving what God had given—and to relinquishing what God chose to withhold.”

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  12. Michele, Thank you for joining us on our Grace & Truth Link-Up and sharing your valuable contribution to our community on prayer! So true God does answer our prayers but we do have to pay attention when it isn’t exactly like we anticipated. I had a few of those experiences this past month. I’m proud to feature your blog post on my Pinterest board for Grace & Truth Featured Posts. You can see your feature here—https://www.pinterest.com/embracingtheune/grace-truth-christian-link-up-featured-posts/

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  13. In our Bible study we recently discussed what it means to pray in the Spirit (Ephes. 6:18). I think it at least means learning to listen to God and let Him direct my prayers. There are time I didn’t feel free or have the faith to pray my human desires. Other times God put bold prayers on my lips that I would never had had the faith to originate. I appreciate your thoughts here and the challenge to know Him well enough to pray according to His will.

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  14. Oh Michelle, just when I think I have prayer figured out a new crisis comes and I must learn all over again that God’s timing is perfect. He sees the whole picture; the beginning and the end. He knows what we need. He knows what our loved ones need. He knows what strangers need. Our job is to trust in his sovereignty as we pray and know that He answers prayer in his perfect timing & in ways that are far better than anything we could ever imagine.

    One Word #4 & #5

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    1. Preach it!
      Just yesterday, God said no to an event that I had had in my calendar for months. The weather made for unsafe travel, so we cancelled, and it felt like such a loss—even though it’s been rescheduled for May.
      In all this, we have to fall back onto the truth of God’s sovereignty.

      Liked by 1 person

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