Fleming Rutledge wisely labeled the days we’re living in as “the time between the times.” We’re a little bit like our Exodus ancestors, set free from slavery in Egypt, but not yet living in the Promised Land—having already received the benefits of a great salvation, but awaiting full redemption from sin’s effects and consequences on the average Tuesday.
Nowhere is this tension between the already and the not-yet more apparent (or more frustrating) than in our working out of what it means to be a Christian family. What, exactly, does it mean to be a parent in loco parentis for our Heavenly Father, the God of the universe?
We feed, shelter, protect, and train. We delight in our children as the Lord rejoices over us, his children. (Zephaniah 3:17) But how do we receive the gift of family in these perilous times without turning it into an idol on the one hand—or taking it for granted and missing the blessing?
I’ve come to recognize a certain category of questions that started coming to me several years ago. Young women faithfully raising their families wonder “how I did it.” They often want to share outrageous stories about their sons’ antics, but sometimes it becomes clear that they’ve come to me looking for a “method.” They want to know how our family extinguished some annoying behavior or handled family devotions or managed screen time. They are searching for a method, a blueprint for a biblical family.
Nowhere is the tension between the already and the not-yet more apparent (or more frustrating) than in what it means to be a Christian family. What, exactly, does it mean to be a parent in loco parentis for our Heavenly Father?
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Practicing Family in the Kingdom of God
In Households of Faith, Emily Hunter McGowin urges parents to stop looking for a Christian family blueprint, and, instead, to devote themselves to the task of becoming “apprentices to love” together. How would our family dynamics improve if we began with Christ’s command to “love our neighbor,” with our spouses and our children understood to be our nearest and most-loved neighbors? How would our mandate to pass on our faith to the next generation change if all our acts of service, all our ministry goals were motivated by love instead of fear, duty, or the craving for “results?”
Emily and I don’t agree on every point of theology (Who does?), but I found myself wishing I could have read her book in the days when I was responsible for forty fingernails and forty toenails that were not my own. I would have been encouraged by her reassuring voice cheering me on in my effort to cultivate good habits in my kids and then reminding me that “God’s transforming work in our lives is not ultimately under our control.”
In this “time between the times,” we parent, lead our families, and do all our good work of loving in a fallen world. This is especially apparent in McGowin’s chapter on marriage and singleness in which she asserts that both ways of doing life require thoughtfulness. And for parents on the hunt for a “method,” the closest she comes to offering one is convicting (and probably not what they’re looking for):
Ninety percent of discipling children is learning how to disciple ourselves. In other words, most of Christian childrearing involves prayerfully seeking to become the kind of person you want your child to become—to demonstrate the kind of behavior you want to see in your children.”
Ultimately, the church and the family work in partnership to help children and adults to become good citizens of God’s kingdom. Together we put the unique and indispensible love of God on display. “The Christian family’s goal is to be apprentices to love together. Another way to put this is to learn to abide in the love of God.” Come to think of it, this may be the solution to all our questions about living well in “the time between the times.”
What Other Reviewers Are Saying
“McGowin weaves church history, biblical wisdom, and current-day applicatioins into a highly readable and deeply knowledgeable work. Households of Faith will challenge and inspire readers within the context of their own family life as well as within life as part of the larger church family.”
~Karen Swallow Prior, author of The Evangelical Imagination.
“For those who desire to practice family as Christians, this book should be your guide.”
~Jessica Hooten Wilson, author of The Scandal of Holiness
Holding You in the Light,
In Households of Faith, Dr. Emily Hunter McGowin urges parents to stop looking for a Christian family blueprint, and, instead, to devote themselves to the task of becoming “apprentices to love” together. @ivpress
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Michele, I appreciated this review even though my children are grown. I have often thought in raising my children, somehow, they raised me as well 🙂 I grew so much in the Lord throughout those years. Amazing how that occurs. This >> “most of Christian childrearing involves prayerfully seeking to become the kind of person you want your child to become—to demonstrate the kind of behavior you want to see in your children.” Amen. It is so true.
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I know exactly what you mean. Parenting (and now grand parenting) has been the most formative experience of my Christian life!
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I could have used this encouragement when my kids were younger, too. I don’t know why we’re so bent on finding formulas and methods and thinking if we just find the right ones, all will be well. I’m discovering God rarely works through formulas. Probably because He wants to increase our dependence on Him rather than on steps.
I agree with Joanne, parenting was an exercise in discipleship for me maybe even more than for my children.
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That’s such a great observation. “God doesn’t work through formulas.” And I think you are correct in your assessment of the reason. He’s all about relationship and wants us to press into knowing him—not some method.
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Thank you so much for linking up with us at Talking About it Tuesday! I think so much of parenting is looking at those who came before you and thinking “how did they do this (and make it look so easy!)”… then one day you’re looking back and thinking “how did I do that?” LOL.
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Well said! It does seem like that in hindsight!
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This book sounds so appropriate for this time. So often my thoughts go to the challenges that my children have as they parent. And of course, I have the challenges of being a parent of adult children.
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Yes, we’re now in the LONGEST phase of the parenting journey, and we want to do it welll.
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Well, I wish this kind of book had been available some 40 years ago. I find this approach to be user-friendly and hopeful instead of a litany of formulas and lists and must-dos that only offered brief glimpses of what could be.
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You’re about a decade ahead of me in the parenting loop, but I think we both were subject to the formulas and methods of an era as proposed by the parenting “experts” we looked up to. I am really enjoying the freedom my kids are finding in their approach to parenting.
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The eight young moms in my Bible study group might find great benefit in Dr. McGowin’s book. I’ll have to commend it to them the next time we meet!
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What a great idea!
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