Reading the Proverbs always feels like drinking from a fire hose. Wisdom comes flying at the reader in quick succession, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t stop looking for an outline or some connection between the flood of consecutive aphorisms and metaphors. Of course, in the big picture, it’s all connected to the goal of living according to wisdom and, as a result, living well.
A good many of King Solomon’s wise sayings have to do with our own sayings—the way we use our words. We can use them to “stir up anger,” or we can soften them, measure them, and let them “turn away wrath.” (Proverbs 15:1)
We can be careless with our words, throwing them around like weapons. “Like a madman who throws firebrands, arrows, and death,” we can conceal our intent to hurt with sarcasm or humor, ending up like the “man who deceives his neighbor and says, ‘I am only joking!’” (Proverbs 26:18-19)
As a lover of words, a reader of words, and sometimes a writer of words, I celebrate and am enriched by the work of talented authors and speakers who have honed their skills in creating well-crafted sentences. Sadly, I can appreciate well-chosen words on paper on the same day I’ve allowed careless words to wound the people I care about.
I have had to learn some crucial lessons about the use of my words, and there are plenty of scenarios I’d like to redo. Conversely, the right word at the right time can comfort, encourage, or even heal. “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.” Do you ever wonder if your words are more like room-temperature pizza in a cardboard box?
The right word at the right time can comfort, encourage, or even heal. “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.” Do you ever wonder if your words are more like room-temperature pizza in a cardboard box?
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2 Word-Watching Strategies
Two very simple (but not necessarily easy) word-watching strategies are helping me to think about the content of my conversation:
Stick Close to the Truth
Obviously, it’s important that our words be true, so if you’ve fallen into the trap of exaggeration or gossip, that’s a good place to start cleaning house. However, I’m thinking specifically about holding ourselves before the truth of God’s Word—sticking close to biblical words as a lifeline to all that is true and good. Elisabeth Elliot challenges me with this:
Stay in the presence of God.
Hold to His written Word,
and hold yourself before it.
You have God’s unwavering attention.”
I need True Truth directly from the Word of God to counteract the screaming banshees in my head and the lies I tell myself every day. (Tell me, what would you do to a “friend” who lied to you as much as your own thoughts do?)
When our hearts and minds are full of God’s words, we can more easily trust that our own words will be guided by his Spirit.
Never Pass up an Opportunity to Keep Your Mouth Shut.
The writing of Ruth Bell Graham challenged me on this point long before I was an “older” woman, but I took note and it’s serving me well: “Don’t feel that you need to share your opinion on every topic OR at every opportunity.” For mothers of adult children and especially for mothers-in-law, this would effectively limit the amount of unsolicited advice we dish out.
When I was in the deep weeds of parenting and caring for my mother, I lived exhausted most of the time, but Sundays were especially long and busy. By the time we hit the evening service (remember those?), my tongue was spring-loaded—with a hair trigger.
On one dark ride home from church, I resolved to simply keep my mouth shut unless something was specifically required of me. To my amazement, we made it peacefully through the ride home, snack time around the table, and the bedtime chaos!
I doubt if my kids even noticed the difference, but it became a crucial strategy for me in that season of life. I’m hardly ever that tired anymore, but the concept has carried me into this season as a checkpoint for the present-day rationing of my words. While I need to be faithful in showing up and speaking into situations that require my input, it’s still true that my opinion isn’t required on every occasion or every opportunity. After all, there are times when my silence may be the very thing that makes space for someone else to speak.
Let’s continue the conversation…
Do ever find your words enflaming an already heated situation?
What’s your biggest challenge in stewarding your speech?
Gossip? Exaggeration? Sarcasm? Thoughtless jabs? Monopolizing the conversation?
What’s one thing you can do to move your words away from the stale pizza image and toward the biblical image of golden apples?
What’s working well for you in the challenge of stewarding words, speaking wisdom, and living well?
Be sure to share your strategies (or your challenges) in the comments below!
Holding You in the Light,
While I need to be faithful to speak into situations requiring my input, my opinion isn’t required on every occasion or every opportunity. At times, my silence may be the very thing that makes space for someone else to speak.
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Living Our Days 
My family knows if they want my opinion they have to ask me or read my writings. Not sure if it’s my introvert personality type or the molding of my peculiar childhood, maybe a combination, but I am not good at verbally expressing my opinion. I have to write it down, a coping skill I launched soon after I learned how to write. So, basically I write to find out what I think. After the first couple of drafts and editing I often discover I have an opinion that surprises me. And occasionally I find what I wrote was just for me to see and learn something.:)a
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I identify completely. Often I reach the end of a post or an article and think, “Okay, it’s good to know where I landed on that topic.” The argument unfolds and convinces me along the way!
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Never Pass up an Opportunity to Keep Your Mouth Shut.
Oh man, this is one I seem to keep having to learn time and again. Especially when my main social outlet is blogging, which IS all about words.
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Ha! Yes, even in our writing life we can benefit from silence.
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As a mom of adult children, I find when I’m worried my mouth runs. So rather than offer unwelcome advice, I pray. In fact, I pray the words from your blog post God’s Joyful Surprise: Love through me. Speak through me. Pray through me. And I added Listen through me. When I pray these short verses I’m giving my worries to God and it is helping me build my relationship with my adult children and their families.
“Set a guard over my mouth, Lord;
keep watch over the door of my lips.” Psalm 141: 3
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I am honored to have loaned words to you through that post!
And certainly the addition of “listen through me” is so Christ-like!
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As always, thank you, Michele. The realizati
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Marjory! So good to hear from you!
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This turned out to be timely for me as I’ve been dealing with laryngitis all week! Funny how keeping my mouth shut and having no choice but to be quick to listen and slow to speak has changed my perspective. I have a lot of words but I don’t need to speak (or write) all of them, and I guess I’d rather choose to share those that are true and kind and helpful. LORD, give me the discernment to know the time and place.
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May we all use the “true and kind and helpful” filter for our words!
And I hope you get well soon!
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I do NOT want to be one of those chatty older women who’ve forgotten what it’s like to be a young mom with an over-long to-do list each day. On the way to any gathering–even if it’s just one-on-one for coffee, I pray for God to enhance my listening and discerning skills and allow me to speak only what will be helpful and worthwhile. Sometimes, even in the midst of conversation I send up a plea for wisdom. And I pray to never waste the time of another with drivel!
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“Only what will be helpful and worthwhile!”
I’m amen-ing that prayer in my own heart.
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The last couple of churches we’ve attended have not had evening services. With just the two of us, my husband and I often get fast-food take-out for Sunday lunch. And I’m still wiped out in the afternoon. I look back wondering how I ever managed to get three kids ready for Sunday School , attend, manage dinner, naps, and kitchen clean-up, then go back for choir practice and the evening service. Sundays feel much more restful now!
I’ve been struggling with when to speak and when to be silent. God has taught us much over the years, and wants us to share with others. But when people do that too much, they foster rolled eyes rather than interested hearers. One on one, I am more inclined to be silent and wait to be asked for advice. But in a class or Bible study, I’m more open. All I know to do is ask God to help me know when to do what.
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Interesting that you feel freer to speak up in a group setting.
I’ve done the same kind of wondering about how in the world we survived Sundays with small kids. I do miss the days of choir practice…
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I think feeling freer in a group is because when I comment during Bible study or Sunday School, I’m speaking generally and as just another lady, not an authority. But if I am talking with one other person, I don’t want to seem pushy or prying or to give advice where it’s not wanted, so I am more hesitant.
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Can we have coffee and talk about this! On My! What I know now. Having 5 children (14 years between the oldest and youngest), I have come to realize I talked some of my sons to death when communication was like fingers on the chalk board to them. I equated words with love – LOL. When I was still driving my youngest to school in high school, for Christmas I gave him a “STOP TALKING” set of cards (about the size of business cards). It didn’t hurt my feelings when he gave me a card – it made me smile. He rarely gave them out – but that was because I was learning silence is also love. The youngest, he recognized that silence as a gift. I’m learning – slowly.
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The idea of coffee and conversation with you is SO compelling! And I completely identify with that experience of an A HA moment in your parenting. How in the world could we think we’re doing the right thing when it’s the polar opposite? I don’t know, but it’s happened to me, too!
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This was so good, Michele. I pray God will help me be continually conscious of the words I am speaking, always realizing they are influencing everyone, including myself. I think often of how much it cements my thoughts when I speak them out loud. There is a very short distance from my lips to my ears, and hearing my own voice speak fear, doubt, unbelief, or negativity absolutely magnifies those kinds of thoughts already going through my mind.
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I agree—there’s a definite downside to faithless speech. It does find its way into our souls!
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I have been learning to listen more and advise less with my adult children. ( A hard lesson.) The next lesson is to listen to people I disagree with and offer comment or question with grace.
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Oooh, that’s a good word!
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