Raising a Leader: 3 Leadership Qualities Your Kids Need

The nursery worker who met us at the door was beaming as she reported her Sunday morning observations. Apparently, our son had lined up all the chairs, assigned seats and roles to each child, and then presided over a “church service” right there in the nursery.

“You’ve got a little leader there!” she pronounced.

Ever blessed with a spirit of realism (and remembering his behavior at home), I asked, “Are you certain he wasn’t just being bossy?”

Therein lies the challenge of parenting the world’s future leaders. The person who shows up in the room with ideas and a plan of execution can be appreciated as “a mover and a shaker,” or they can be denigrated as “bossy, controlling, and overbearing.” 

As a woman who has held various leadership roles, I may be particularly sensitive to the “bossy” brand, and perhaps that is your story as well. Or maybe you feel the blood leaving your head and start looking for the exit when leadership is mentioned! 

Regardless of our personal style or our leadership resume, as mothers, we sit in the seat of influence with our kids. How we respond to their initiative, their creativity, and their all-pervasive energy in our home goes a long way in defining our children’s confidence. 

The way mums and dads talk to each other teaches our kids about patience and respect in the home. Mums must expect and train for obedience and then address disciplinary issues, so children will learn from the beginning that they must listen to and respect women. 

When we give our sons and daughters age-appropriate responsibility and then expect them to follow through on their duties, we teach them accountability and perseverance. 

Whether their personalities lean more toward the “naturally gifted leader” profile or they’re more the type to lead out of necessity; whether they marry and lead a godly home together with their spouse or remain single and become a workplace- or community-influencer; whether their skill set is more oriented toward driving a nail into a board than sitting on a governing board, our fallen and chaotic world, our churches, and our families need godly and biblical leaders. 

As I learned in that long-ago Sunday morning nursery, leadership can show up in surprising places! Nehemiah was a most unlikely choice to lead Israel’s rebuilding of the devastated city of Jerusalem. His role as King Artaxerxes’ cupbearer had provided zero experience as a general contractor, and furthermore, born in exile, he had never even visited Jerusalem. 

Nonetheless, he was God’s man for the job, and under his leadership, the city wall was rebuilt in a stunning 52 days! Nehemiah’s story is well worth sharing with our kids, for he provides a leadership model based on rising to the occasion, persevering through obstacles, and glorifying God in the process.

Regardless of our leadership resume, as mums, we sit in the seat of influence with our kids. How we respond to their initiative, creativity, and all-pervasive energy in our home goes a long way in defining our children’s confidence.

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Rising to the Occasion

If the Old Testament book of Nehemiah were an action movie, it would get off to a pretty disappointing start. When our hero learns about the sorry state of his homeland, instead of springing into decisive action, he sits down to weep and pray for four months. However, don’t miss this key detail: Nehemiah didn’t know what to do, but he knew where to go for help. 

It just so happens that 11% of the Book of Nehemiah consists of prayer. It’s the home of the longest recorded prayer in the Old Testament as well as numerous arrow prayers in which Nehemiah “checks in” with God on the regular. His prayers paved the way for a hefty Persian sponsorship of the building project, and we discover that Nehemiah’s ongoing leadership is characterized by communication with God. 

Oswald Chambers stated this succinctly and well: “Prayer does not fit us for the greater work; prayer is the greater work.” Let’s share this truth with our families:

When a leader doesn’t know what to do, he knows where to find help. Leaders pray!

Persevering Through Obstacles

When Nehemiah arrived in Jerusalem and had surveyed the scene, it’s likely that he thought his greatest obstacle would be the physical task of cleaning up the rubble in rebuilding a walled city for the people of God. 

At first, the opposition from surrounding nations was annoying but had no ill effects on the work. Eventually, however, when heckling gave way to military threats, Nehemiah issued swords along with construction tools, and the work continued. 

Keeping his trumpeter nearby to sound the alarm or to summon soldiers to battle, Nehemiah exercised perpetual diligence alongside his faith, assuring his workers, “Our God will fight for us” (Nehemiah 4:20).

In Scripture and in our present-day context, the principle stands: When doing something good for God, you may be attacked. Jesus went straight from baptism to temptation. Elijah bested the prophets of Baal only to be threatened by the evil queen. Godly mums will be quick to encourage our children to persevere despite obstacles or opposition. 

Little people who handle little problems by faith are being equipped to handle middle-sized problems in middle school, bigger obstacles in high school, and adult-sized challenges as faithful church members, employees, spouses, and parents. Let’s set the example first, and then teach our children this encouraging truth:

When a leader faces opposition, he keeps on working. Leaders work hard!

Glorifying God in the Process

Old Testament stories have a sad tendency to end with longing. Even to the very last verse, Israel’s status is unresolved and the nation’s faithfulness rests on shaky ground. 

Nehemiah learned the hard lesson that reform was not a once-and-done affair for Israel. Throughout his 20-year-long leadership endurance contest, Nehemiah guided his people through regular seasons of repentance and reform.

That endless cycle would continue today except for Jesus Christ. 

The cycle was broken with the resurrection that secured our New Covenant resources for fighting sin. A gracious and godly leader leans into those resources because she knows her own toxic sin tendencies, and, therefore, can view the sins and failures of others through a lens of grace, and then point them to the same Fountain that refreshes her own thirsty soul. 

She knows that any measure of success she might achieve is directly attributable to God’s good work in and through her.

At the close of Scripture’s written account of Nehemiah’s ministry, we find him, once again, in prayer: “Remember me with favor, my God” (Nehemiah 13:31, NIV).

Because of Jesus, we are assured He will, and so we teach this truth to our children:

When a leader is successful, God is glorified. Leaders point others to Jesus!

Nehemiah’s surprising career prepares our mother-hearts for the blessing and the surprise of our children’s growth into leaders. In the never-ending battle of staying the course of obedience in your own life, as you become a woman of prayer, as you persevere through obstacles, and as you make the glory of God your primary motivation, you are training another generation of godly leaders—your great privilege and your gift to the Kingdom of God.

Our fallen and chaotic world, our churches, and our families need godly and biblical leaders.

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And Now Let’s Talk Books…

J. Dana Trent’s educational journey took her, ultimately, to seminary where lessons in biblical languages took a back seat to the more arduous lessons of forgiveness, mercy, and grace for her tangled roots. None of us is born into a perfect home. Some of us carry our childhood homes as a lifelong burden. Only when we turn around in our path and face the home that formed us do we find the freedom to create a new home and love it, wherever it may be found.

**Note to reader: Trent’s story includes alarming scenes of child neglect and her story is, at times, conveyed with the shocking vocabulary she was exposed to.

Holding you in the light,

In #BetweenTwoTrailers @jdanatrent shares her life as a preschool drug dealer—and wisdom that it’s only as we turn and face the home that formed us that we are free to create a new home and love it, wherever it’s found @ConvergentBooks

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A New Devotional Plan for You!

As you know, I’m committed to the truth that women can become confident followers of God and students of his Word, and it’s my goal to help you along that path. At Living Our Days, I provide biblical content and resources to encourage biblical literacy and faithful living, and now I’m sharing devotional content on the YouVersion app. Visit my profile page to get free access to the reading plans!

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