In the aftermath of a big snowstorm, I’m grateful for the good work of our son with his snowplow. He clears the driveway, pushes the snow into big piles, and leaves the yard accessible to our vehicles and our feet.
What works great here in the northeast when winter has us by the throat does not transfer well to parenting life. Apparently, the hovering and overly helpful “helicopter parents” I read about during my own parenting years have been replaced by a fleet of snowplow parents, well-resourced and ambitious, and determined to clear every obstacle out of their children’s way.
Snowplow parents ensure that their children will never experience discomfort or failure. They cater to their toddlers’ finicky eating and sleeping preferences, lie to their elementary-age kids’ teachers and do the lion’s share of their science fair projects, try to “fix” their teens’ speeding tickets, and then foot the entire bill for their college education.
It goes without saying (and yet, nonetheless, I will say it) that no parent wants their kids to suffer. Today and every day, I want only good things for the lives of my four adult sons.
Even so, common sense tells me that if we want to equip our children to live a truly adult life and a Christian life, they have to learn to deal with obstacles and suffering—and they have to learn this in a world where the predominant message is to chase pleasure, bypass difficulty, shift the blame, and take the easy road.
God Is NOT a Snowplow Parent
Beyond common sense, the Bible reveals that God, our Heavenly Parent, is not a snowplow parent now and has never been one. Christians are not exempt from the difficulties of life, and the way we talk about this truth reveals a lot about our view of God.
To say that God causes suffering is just as inaccurate as saying that God is a passive observer of humanity. Even the idea that God allows his children to suffer seems a little weak. For my own heart, the word ordains rings true. God ordains a gracious mix of success and joy mingled with frustration and pain, so we learn to depend on him. He has a plan and a purpose in mind.
In the Old Testament, God’s relationship with his much-loved children of Israel reminds present-day believers that we will, indeed, go through hard times. There will be deep water and hot fires, but we will not go through them alone:
Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. (Isaiah 43:1-3)
The New Testament reveals that our Father in Heaven has a BIG purpose for every trial or obstacle we encounter:
We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. (Romans 5:3-5)
God loves us enough to allow what he hates to accomplish what he desires for us.
Endurance, character, and hope!
God loves us enough to allow what he hates to accomplish what he desires for us. Endurance, character, and hope!
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How do you respond when suffering comes your way?
Do you complain your way through trials—or find something to be thankful for?
Do you find it difficult to incorporate life’s obstacles, frustrations, or disappointments into your understanding of a loving and merciful God?
God is not a snowplow parent. He allows us to experience failure so we learn to look beyond worldly success. The goal of his wise parenting is to woo our hearts away from this world and prepare us for eternity. His lavish love and unfailing attention assure us that he knows exactly what we need to bring us to full maturity for his glory.
Holding You in the Light,
God is not a snowplow parent. He allows us to experience failure so we learn to look beyond worldly success. The goal of his wise parenting is to woo our hearts away from this world and prepare us for eternity.
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Living Our Days 
Amen. We don’t want to experience suffering. But, when those times come, we can find rest and peace knowing that God is with us. Have a blessed day!
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Absolutely true! We never go through life alone.
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“God ordains a gracious mix of success and joy mingled with frustration and pain, so we learn to depend on him. He has a plan and a purpose in mind.” Great wisdom.
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I don’t know about you, but even in my own struggles, if I remember that God is purposeful, it really helps me to get on board with his plan.
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In the difficult times, it is sometimes hard to remember who is by our side, but He is. As a parent, it is difficult to not just jump in and help, but your words ring true. They need the experience of doing it on their own so they can do it on their own. There may not always be a safeguard available, and then they’ll be lost. Great points and scripture sharing. Enjoy your day and week ahead.
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Exactly. We always have to have our eyes on the end goal, which is making disciples of Christ who can glorify God.
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What a great way to describe it! So hard to watch and yet, we had to learn things ourselves, too. When we do it for them, we keep them from learning the lesson or having a takeaway. It only sets them up to have to experience it again (because we didn’t let them do it the first time).
Such good insights ~ Rosie
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Great point! Even if we manage to snowplow all the challenges away well into adulthood, ultimately, they’re likely to outlive us and then what…?
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If I don’t think of what they mean, so many of these parenting terms sound so funny… but they’re really not. I have made it a point to instill in my boys the knowledge that what’s easy is often not what’s right (it can me it just usually isn’t). Growth comes with a bit of struggle and hardship builds character. Of course I don’t like to see them struggle or going through hardships but no one can get through life without some sort of struggle or obstacle getting in the way now and then. Learning to deal with them is a huge part of life.
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I agree, even though it’s hard for mums sometimes to stay hands-off and to let them work out their problems and fix their own mistakes. After all, the goal is to transfer their dependence to the Lord ultimately.
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As a parent it has often been a challenge to balance my desire to help my kids and see them succeed with my knowledge that they need to experience consequences and struggle in order to truly win . . . so knowing that God has the wisdom to allow us to suffer and struggle for our ultimate good is comforting. It’s not because he is cruel – it is because he knows best.
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Yes, we want them to have enough success in life to be assured that God loves them, and enough struggle to develop some grit!
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Deferred responsibility cripples! We have a seasonal business that produces in the winter months – our boys worked in the cold, learned to meet deadlines, didn’t get snow day holidays – responsibility with training wheels. Learning to fail is just as important as learning to succeed, isn’t it! We all have to learn how to walk through the waters, the rivers, and the fires of our lives–delaying that responsibility doesn’t give them a head start – it leaves them behind. Having come from a broken home, I didn’t want my children to experience the insecurity of that. It takes intentionality to allow our children to grow up in a secure home but learn how to handle the bumps and bruises of the challenges face.
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That’s a very succinct way to say it, and for us it was a mowing business. The guys learned where money comes from, they learned how to bill customers, to do a careful job, and to persevere. I used to suffer a little bit over the harder days when I knew they would rather go swimming than tend to someone else’s lawn, but now I’m glad we had a work first and play afterwards philosophy.
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This is so good, Michele … both the part about unhelpful parenting methods and also how God parents us. I love how you point out that God “ordains” instead of “causes” or “allows.” Truly,
“He has a plan and a purpose in mind.”
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I’ve spent a fair amount of time thinking about that distinction, because it helps me so much in my acceptance of the things I didn’t ask for and don’t want. Nothing is random and everything has a purpose, even if I wouldn’t have done it that way.
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SO well said, Michele: “God ordains a gracious mix of success and joy mingled with frustration and pain, so we learn to depend on him. He has a plan and a purpose in mind.” I found myself this week contemplating the horrors some of our persecuted brothers and sisters face around the world (the result of a missionary talk at church Sunday morning). They face frustration and pain that we in the U.S. can hardly imagine, yet those who’ve lived to share their experiences speak of the unspeakable joy of God’s presence with them and other blessings. And some who have been martyred go peacefully to their deaths with a song on their lips. Their sacrifices illustrate sublime success.
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I’ve heard some of the same, and it’s so humbling to know that they actually pray for US!
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This is so good! I’m so happy God’s not a snow plow parent or I wouldn’t learn or grow. I always say I’m glad for my lessons learned even the hard ones. It’s part of his refining in me.
Visiting today from Joanne’s
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“…even the hard ones.”
Yes, and maybe “especially” the hard ones!
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I don’t think I have heard the term “snowplow parent” before, but I understand the concept. I often struggled with when to help my kids, when to show grace (or what seemed like grace to me), and when to make them deal with consequences or face hardships. We want to make things easy for them, but growth often comes through suffering.
I agree that knowing God has a purpose helps when He brings things into my life I don’t want. I sometimes wish I knew the purpose, beyond generally developing endurance and such. But the better I get to know Him, the more I can trust Him with what doesn’t make sense to me.
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I remember the balancing act, too, Barbara. I’m grateful that God always shows up with the right response at the right time.
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